"Just be yourself." How many times have we all heard these words and equally how many times have many of us thought something like "You might not like who that is..." or "I'm not even sure who I am."
I'm writing this blog post in response to a link from Faith Barrista. See her tag down the right hand side.
I am a mix of two parents, with a heavy lean toward my Dad side.
I am administrative, organized, tend towards controlling and have given up being a perfectionist. I am artistic, sensitive, creative and overly emotional. I struggle with being on time, but hate being late. I love people, but don't always get along with them. I love words (passionately) but they have been the source of much of the pain in my life.
How do you be yourself when you've spent most of your life trying to BE someone else. When your sense of personhood has been wrapped up in pleasing others in order to be accepted.
I pondered all this as I did the dishes today. Thinking of how I (we) fake it and put our make up on our faces and our hearts and hide away who we truly are on the inside and the outside. I think it must make God very sad. After all He made us so why wouldn't we want to enjoy being "ME" and let Him enjoy us being who He made us to be.
I think a good trend is happening. As I read some of my favorite blogs, like this one, I hear women opening up the door on all that locked away stuff. They're sharing deep and it's stopping the lies. Truth always does this.
As truth comes out, it becomes safe to be me.
So here I am, just Ang, who can be kind of anxious at times, but is learning to trust God and let go of some of the past. I love to garden and read and write and be a wife and mother. I'm very insecure at times, but it's worst when I've taken my eyes of Jesus. He never goes away, but sometimes I step back.
I got exposed yesterday in a big error. (See last blog post). Since then, I've been at peace. Sometimes we take ourselves way to seiously and we lose sight of Jesus. But then He brings it all full circle. After mulling all this I came to the conclusion that it's better to let your mistakes be known, to be honest and real with people. In doing so I am freed from fear and for the need to impress. Today was another step towards freedom.